


Lay down and give up

by Anonymous



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Angst, Depression, I wish I had a person like Akira in my life but alas lmao, I'm sad and Goro has to suffer with me, M/M, Self-Hatred, Sorry for the horrible writing lol, mention of suicide, vent - Freeform, whole lot of sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:06:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27330940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: It's me venting, Goro has to suffer with me, I love him I promise
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Kudos: 25
Collections: Anonymous Fics





	Lay down and give up

Goro looked up at the ceiling, slow calm music came from his phone. His whole body felt heavy and stiff, ached with every movement he did. A sigh escaped him _, I wish I could just give up, he sighed. But alas I'm too terrified of death. A fucking useless shit like me shouldn't be sacred. I should just embrace it._

 _I know I'll be missed, I got a mother, friends and a boyfriend_. Goro looked up at the ceiling, it was disgustingly smooth and white. _But I'm just a burden to them all, I would do them a favour if I died_. Another sign escaped him and he rolled over, throwing the whole duvet over him. _Do they even love me, or are they just doing it out of pity? Am I even worth anything at all?_

He closed his eyes, wishing he could just sleep instead. _Just a burden and nothing else, why do I even care_. He gritted his teeth. _God fucking damn it just sleep._

Of course sleep never came, so he did the next best thing, scrolling his phone to distract himself. Reading some silly fics that made him smile and laugh or just scrolling the news. 

"Honey I'm home!" Came a cheerful voice after what felt like minutes of scrolling. Looking at the clock, Goro realized it had been 5 hours since he last looked at the clock. 

Goro didn't make a sound tho, it took too much effort to make any. "Goro?" Akira asked, walking around the apartment. It only took a second before he opened the bedroom door to see a lump in bed and a hand sticking out from it.

"You okay?" He asked softly and walked toward the lump. He didn't get any replies. "I take the silence as a no then" he mumbled and placed a hand over the lump.

Goro somehow managed to make a humming sound, it took great effort but he managed it. Akira moved the duvet from Goro's face. He had a soft kind smile. 

Goro felt pathetic, his throat closed up and he just wanted to cry. But he never did, it was like his eyes were all dried up. He looked at Akira and smiled. "Hi, have you eaten anything?" Akira pushed some hair from Goro's face.

 _I eat like a pig Akira, of course I've eaten. There's literally nothing else I do, being a disappointment and eat._ Goro nodded, swallowing felt like knives going through his throat.

"When was the last time? Breakfast?" He got another nod. "That's 8 hours ago, so it's time to eat again" Akira smiled. _I don't deserve it tho, I just eat and get fat like the disgusting monster that I am._

"I'm going to start making dinner okay?" Akira dragged his hand through Goro's greasy hair, making him flinch away from the hand.

"Want to take a shower while I make dinner?" He asked, getting a nod from the brunet. 

Goro struggled to get up, his body refused to listen to him and his feet felt like they were weighted down by stones. But he managed it, he managed to get up and walk to the bathroom. 

Akira had kissed his cheek before he left to make dinner. Leaving Goro sitting at a metal chair they had in the bathroom. It felt like he had ran a marathon by how out of breath and exhausted he felt. 

He willed himself to move more, taking out the towels he needed and moved the chair onto the shower so he could use it to sit on. It didn't take long before he was finished and had dried himself and put on clean clothes Akira had put our for him.

Dragging his sorry excuse of a body, he walked into the kitchen and sat down on one of the chairs beside their dinner table. "Had a nice soak?" His boyfriend asked, grinning. "Ye" Goro managed to say, smiling a tiny smile.

"Great! It's soon finished so you don't need to move" he walked around getting the plates and utensils ready. _God I'm so worthless I can't even help with the simple stuff, I'm becoming more and more of a burden for each fucking day huh_. Goro's eyes burned from the unshed tears and he had to bite the inside of his cheeks from stopping whatever wanted to escape his lips.

"Thank you" he mumbled, refusing to look Akira in the eyes. "Anything for you Goro" he felt Akira's hand ruffle his hair. It should make him feel happy that Akira still hadn't given up on him but he only felt numb. _Why does he even try, it would be easier to just give up on me._

They ate dinner, Akira telling him about his day and about the silly stuff his friends had done. Goro nodded a long, saying some stuff here and there. 

After dinner, Goro sat in the sofa looking blankly ahead whole Akira did the dishes and other stuff Goro wasn't sure what.

"All done! Here, have a glass of water" his boyfriend sat a glass down in front of him. The small gesture made Goro want to cry, he really really wanted to cry, it would maybe make him feel a little better. But his stupid eyes never listened.

Akira sat beside him and turned on the TV. He scrolled through until he found some fun show and sat the remote down. He turned toward Goro and opened his arms, inviting him in for cuddles.

Goro never said no to cuddles even if he never deserved it. So he snuggling close, he breathed in slowly. The smell of his boyfriend calmed him down, but it did little to stop his brain from telling him to stop existing and to just end it all.

"Wanna tell me what on you mind?" Akira asked softly, hugging Goro a bit closer. _Absolutely not, I will just burden you more_. The burnet shocked his head, "no" he whispered out. "Alright, but you know I'm here for you" Goro nodded.

It was late at night and Goro couldn't sleep, Akira was soundly asleep beside him. His arm around Goro's stomach, holding him in place. 

_You should just break up, you're desten to be alone. You shouldn't have anyone close to you, you'll just make them suffer. You should give up and run away._

Maybe it was because of the warm presence of his boyfriend or maybe it was because he was exhausted and it was 2 AM. But the dam that had held his tears back, broke. Slowly but surely tears started to fall and he hiccuped. 

Goro had always been a silent crier so he wasn't afraid he would wake Akira up. He hiccuped and shook, tears running down like a waterfall and nose stuffed. He sniffed and filled on his back, hoping it would help with the stuffed nose.

 _I'm so fucking tired, why can't I just end it all fuck. The brunet tugged at his hair. So fucking tired fuck, fuck_. He hiccuped, hating himself from every tear that left his eyes.

"Goro?" Akira mumbled, moving his hand away from Goro to rub his eye. His eyes widen when he saw his boyfriend cry, and he quickly sat up. "Goro hey, it's okay" He whispered and stoked his tear soaked cheek.

"No it's not okay Akira" Goro hiccuped, finally speaking. "It's not fucking okay" he cried more.

"I'm tired Akira" he wants sure why he talked at all, his throat was in pain and he was just so done.

"I'm so, so tired, I wish I had the fucking balls to give up. I want to lay down my weapons and just accept it, accept death and finally be able to relax. I feel like I'm constantly on edge and I don't know what I'm feeling but it certainly isn't good. I can't relax and I feel like there's a storm inside me, refuses to leave and it makes me tired and exhausted and no matter how much I sleep, I always feel exhausted. I wanna give up so bad but I'm so terrified of death. God I wish I wasn't" the brunet ranted, he knew he would regret it, but it wasn't the first time Akira had heard him rent. His boyfriend didn't miss a beat before he kissed Goro's forhead. 

"I understand it's hard and it's easier to just give up. But you're strong, you keep fighting even when you want to stop. You keep going to school, you keep doing your best even if you want to give up" Akira said. "You're so strong and I love you so so much" 

_Ha, as if._ Goro didn't say it, just kept crying. Akira layed back down and moved Goro so he faced him. He rubbed his cheeks and smiled. "You're amazing and you do so much good" he kissed his forhead again. "I'm going to forever be by your side and I'll help you hold your weapons up even if you want to give up" he hugged Goro, and Goro hugged back, weeping into his shoulder.

After what felt like an eternity, Goro had finally calmed down. His body felt weak and his eyes stung from everything. "Tomorrow we should get you another appointment with the doctor, maybe you need to change or up your medication" Akira mumbled into Goro's hair, he got a small nod from the brunet. Soon said brunet fell asleep, leaving Akira awake. Who rubbed his hand up and down Goro's back, hugging him just a little closer.


End file.
